What?

I wanna write about how hard I’ve through all of stuffs in my life. it’s really getting hard. I’ve been here for almost three years, the land that people called Java Island.

First time I got accepted by university I feel so excited. Lots of dream in my head that waiting to be true. Short time passed I arrived here and started my new life as a student. To be honest I am still excited for all of the stuffs (life, dream, habit, friends etc). Then, life became hard not as what I wish or expected for. Yes… I feel high sometimes, God was brought me to something that I dreamed of but it’s not take long. all good stuffed that I got being failed. I don’t know am I the factor who made all being failed or not. But now, while writing this, I getting failure. I just here don’t know where is path that I should go through. I am afraid to go out from my room, such a scared things outside. I feel like, I did such a bad things that impact bad for my life also. I feel like I messed all this up. I just such a failure.

Then, what should I do now. I am so happy in this comfort zone. So afraid to go out and make something happened then make it failure then. I am so afraid. Sometimes I just don’t wanna talk with God about everything that happened to me. He is just so far from me, never be by my side. What something wrong that I’ve been done God? Please tell me, what should I do and what do you want. I am so tired with all of this. I wanna go out from this even my comfort zone but how? Just show me a way. Now, I even cannot see what will I faced in the future. I don’t know what I meant to be. I lost my vision, my future and my dream.

God, if I can ask, please give me a chance, show me the chance. I wanna walk, I don’t wanna be here stay and stuck for long time. I’m tired, so tired God. What should I tell to my mom, you know it’s such a big responsibility on my shoulders. I am lost, really lost. Now, i give all of myself to you. My lord in heaven, my life, my heart is all for you. Help me through all of this.